verdict so far: not orange

So, after showering this AM the streaks aren't bad (my ankles look like I spray tanned but that's about it).  Let's see if anyone notices I'm tan today at work.  My face has makeup that masks the color a little but my arms seem tan.  Time to roll up the sleeves! 

Well, how about YOU decide:

anaranjando, si o no?

Well, the true test is on.  After gathering feedback (70% negative, 30% positive) I decided the best way to determine if spray tanning would work for me was to try it myself.  I went to Club Soleil in Royal Oak (by the Value Center) and it was an OK experience.  "OK" in that if I had wiped off the drips on the backs of my legs I'd be just about fine.  Like, the streaks back there are no good.  Otherwise I think I'm OK; granted I could wake up tomorrow and start signing, "...what do you get when you guzzle down sweets..." I will let you know.   Earlier, I told Mark he gets to tell me if it's scary or not tomorrow (if for some reason I can't figure it out on my own). 

So here's the funny part, a 12-year old gives me the low-down and I neglect to read the posted materials.  I strip down, put on the "barrier cream" and push the green button.  Nothing.  Push it again.  Nothing.  Push it and HOLD it.  Nothing.  So now, I have to get dressed again, go back out and explain.  She resets and says, push the blue start button THEN hit the green button.  OK, you didn't say anything about the blue.  Jeesh.   WHOOOOOOSH, the sprayers go off.  And I think to myself, "self, hold your breath!" But it's too late, I had no good oxygen intake so I'm holding my breath in spurts, not taking in a deep enough breath to hold it any longer than the last time.  Now, it's time to rotate to the right 45 degrees and strike some sort of Egyptian pose.  Thank goodness for The Bangles, I was ready.  I wasn't, however, ready for the ridiculously slippery floor and nearly bit it (eyes closed and with no oxygen).  This continues until I've been sprayed on all sides.  I get out, look at myself in the mirror and am dripping with tanning solution.  Good grief.  I fix my face first, then my arms.  First mistake was to go to the torso next.  The drips were setting in on my legs.  By the time I get to the legs it's too late.  Oy vey.  I do the best I can and then I go seriously wash my hands.  Oh neat, there's no soap.  I still wash like a fool and surprisingly get that situated.  Alas my legs and, oh yeah, FEET. 

Bottom line.  I need to assess in the morning what shade I am.  And then re-assess after spin class Thursday.  And again on Saturday.  If, after all this, I'm feeling good (minus the streaks) I might do another blast in a few weeks to work out the kinks and again before the wedding.  Otherwise I'm back to the drawing board!!

Banned from the wedding: Jersey Shore tan

We are going to have a frank and open talk about tans.  I love them.  I look good with one.  I don't want any body parts removed or cut-off though.  Therefore I'm anti-tanning booth.  I've gone to them, it's so cozy and warm (and smelly) but they have music and you get a few minutes of honest to goodness alone/quiet/reflection time.  However the dangers outweigh and the last handful of times I've gone tanning I can hear my Grandpa Neal telling me how awful it is.  And then I picture the shot glass sized mass he had on his shoulder.  Ew.  So now I go to Florida for natural vitamin D during the cold, grey Michigan winters or hold out until June.  And I wear a higher SPF than I did in my tanorexic days.

So then how did this OOPS occur?!  My wedding is in April.  And from October 15-May 31 I make Casper look tan.  Hmmm....what to do?!  Spray tan!  That's the ticket.  In early March I am going to go do a practice run to see how this all works out.  And then I might do it again just to be certain we're all set on the proper shade: "sun-kissed" or "blazin' Brazilian!?"  I have to be careful not to get scary orange though...

Brooke Hogan example of said scary orange:

Here's the issue:  how do I, a former tanorexic, tell everyone to keep the Jersey Shore tan at the beach!?  By photo montage of course! Children, no one is this color naturally.  Stay away from tanning booths!  Look too tan lady now and at her wedding:

Here's a properly bronzed couple for the end of summer, perhaps a little tan for April still: