Thursday, January 21, 2010

Banned from the wedding: Jersey Shore tan

We are going to have a frank and open talk about tans.  I love them.  I look good with one.  I don't want any body parts removed or cut-off though.  Therefore I'm anti-tanning booth.  I've gone to them, it's so cozy and warm (and smelly) but they have music and you get a few minutes of honest to goodness alone/quiet/reflection time.  However the dangers outweigh and the last handful of times I've gone tanning I can hear my Grandpa Neal telling me how awful it is.  And then I picture the shot glass sized mass he had on his shoulder.  Ew.  So now I go to Florida for natural vitamin D during the cold, grey Michigan winters or hold out until June.  And I wear a higher SPF than I did in my tanorexic days.


So then how did this OOPS occur?!  My wedding is in April.  And from October 15-May 31 I make Casper look tan.  Hmmm....what to do?!  Spray tan!  That's the ticket.  In early March I am going to go do a practice run to see how this all works out.  And then I might do it again just to be certain we're all set on the proper shade: "sun-kissed" or "blazin' Brazilian!?"  I have to be careful not to get scary orange though...

Brooke Hogan example of said scary orange:






Here's the issue:  how do I, a former tanorexic, tell everyone to keep the Jersey Shore tan at the beach!?  By photo montage of course! Children, no one is this color naturally.  Stay away from tanning booths!  Look too tan lady now and at her wedding:








Here's a properly bronzed couple for the end of summer, perhaps a little tan for April still:






No comments:

Post a Comment